


Dull Ache

by toomanycurls



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: HPFT, F/M, Miscarriage, Stillbirth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 07:52:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3111959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toomanycurls/pseuds/toomanycurls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Andromeda doesn't want to remember but part of her will never forget.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dull Ache

Andromeda wakes with a dull, groggy ache in her temple. She gingerly sits up in bed before placing her feet onto the chilly wood floor. The previous evening is a blur to Andromeda but its affects have a heavy toll on her body. Ted’s spot in bed is still warm but the sound of the shower tells Andromeda that her husband is getting ready for the day.  
Fur-lined slippers welcome Andromeda’s feet before she pushes herself out of bed and towards the bedroom door. Their house is a small cottage with three bedrooms, a dining room, and a sitting room where they would welcome guests if any were to call on them. The hallway feels strange to Andromeda as she slowly walks towards the kitchen but she is not sure what is out of place. As she stops in front of one of the bedroom doors she hears the squeak of water being turned off and calls out, “Ted, when will we finish with this office you’re installing?”  
For some reason the baron room nettles Andromeda as she steps inside. Moments pass and Ted stands at her side with a still damp arm on her shoulder. “What was that ‘Dromeda?” he asks with a gentle tone.  
“This room – when will you be done with it?” she asks sharply as her eyes sweep the room.  
“By the weekend,” he starts before Andromeda interrupts by pulling away from his arms.  
A bag sits in the corner, trying to hide behind the single piece of furniture in the room – a bureau carved from oak and given to them as a wedding present by Ted’s family. Yarn and the starting rows of a blanket are visible in the bag. Andromeda stoops to pick up the remnants of an abandoned project that she can’t recall starting or stopping. Feeling the soft mint green yarn between her fingers, Andromeda feels a tear at the corner of her eye.  
As she stands, Andromeda holds onto the yarn, pulling out several stitches. Tears are steadily dripping from her face as she turns to Ted who looks stricken by the sight of his wife. “This…” Andromeda yearns for the words and memory that couple with the surge of unwanted emotions. Suddenly overwhelmed, Andromeda crosses her arms to still her emotions but only spirals further into confusion as she feels dampness emanating from her breasts. “Ted, what is happening to me?” she cries, feeling as if her mind were turning into congealed potion that had to be thrown out.  
Ted makes a comforting noise as he pulls Andromeda into his arms. “It’ll be okay, love,” he reassures her. “We’ll get through this together.”  
\---  
Ted holds Andromeda’s hand as they sit in the bright waiting room at St. Mungo’s. Both are too nervous to speak, unsure if acknowledging their hope will cause it to fade away. Craning her neck, Andromeda tries to see if the footsteps in the hallway are a Healer or just another couple. To her growing impatience, it is a young family with a swaddled infant asleep in the mother’s arms.  
“Really,” Andromeda huffs as she settles back into her seat. “It’s not as if we have all day to wait.”  
“We’ll get in to see the Healer soon enough,” Ted reassures his wife despite his own eager anticipation of long-awaited appointment. They had already waited eight weeks past the time Andromeda expected her time of the month so their further delay of an hour seems quite minimal for Ted.  
The tension is clear on Andromeda’s face when a Healer calls out “Mrs. Tonks?” from several feet away.  
They pair is led to an examination room where Andromeda is instructed to put raise her robes above her waist before sitting on the exam table. The Healer asks a handful of questions he could have read in her medical file – last menstruation date, prior pregnancies, and family history – delaying the moment they were anxious for.  
While the potion Andromeda brewed said she was carrying a child, they both knew it would be the first appointment with a Healer that could give them peace. Ted stands as the Healer pulls out an instrument, explaining that he’ll be able to hear the baby’s heartbeat. The cold metal is pressed into Andromeda’s stomach and the Healer frowns as he strains to hear.  
“That’s quite a strong heartbeat,” the Healer says, pulling the ends of the device from his ears. “Have a listen, Mrs. Tonks.”  
Andromeda lays still as the Healer adjusts the stethoscope for her and listens intently to the foreign sounds. A rhythmic thudding almost causes Andromeda to gasp but she smiles instead. Tears of joy spring to life as she whispers, “We did it, Ted.”  
\---  
Lying in bed, Andromeda presses a hand to her burgeoning stomach as she tries to feel a kick from the baby but all she feels are the cramps that have been nagging her for the last day. Ted is in the sitting room with a book – or he is assuming that he has not abandoned the post he took up earlier that day. It is a lazy Saturday for the expecting couple. Their plans to assemble the baby furniture in the old office fell to the wayside as Andromeda feels too ill and Ted is not one to tackle projects alone.  
“Ted,” Andromeda calls with a tone of undeserved impatience. When no sound of footsteps reach the nettled wife, she tries again. “Teddy!!”  
She hears shuffled footsteps and soon sees Ted as he steps into their bedroom. “What is it ‘Dromeda?” he asks with a worried look on his face.  
“Something doesn’t feel right,” Andromeda tells him, unsure of how to describe subtle changes she noticed throughout the day. “Can you try feeling my stomach?”  
It is difficult for Ted not to roll his eyes at this request – for the last week, since Andromeda started to feel the baby move, she pestered him to try to feel kicks. Not being able to feel more than his wife’s belly when his hands press into her flesh exacerbates Ted’s worry about impending fatherhood. “Is the baby moving?” he asks, taking a seat on the bed next to Andromeda.  
“Yes but I want you to feel if anything seems off to you,” she says, pulling the blanket back to expose flesh to the cool air.  
“Off?” Ted asks with his brow raised. “Not sure I would really know, love.” Despite his misgiving, Ted places a gentle hand on his wife’s stomach and feels for anything unusual. When nothing seems particularly out of place, he says, “Seems like a stomach to me.”  
This response only angers Andromeda. “I don’t feel well, Ted,” she tells him as emotions flood her mind.  
Being the husband of a pregnant wife has taught Ted that arguing is useless so he decides to placate Andromeda. “We can go to St. Mungo’s on Monday,” he says, kissing place his hand had just been.  
\---  
At first Andromeda dismisses what she’s feeling as gas or some other normal body function. It is several hours of occasional pops and flutters that she accepts that there is a little person moving inside her. Tears come to her as they often have since becoming pregnant. She feels connected to the little life inside her more than she previously thought possible as each little thud moves them closer together.  
It is almost a day later when a grinning Andromeda turns to Ted, saying, “I’ve felt the baby move.” Seeing Ted’s face light up brings a flush to Andromeda’s cheeks. “I’m not sure you could feel it from the outside yet,” she adds as an afterthought. “The kicks are so gentle.”  
“I’ll be able to feel soon enough,” Ted says contentedly before kissing his wife on the cheek.  
Ted rests his head on Andromeda’s shoulder and begins to imagine his life as a father. The idea seems the closest to tangible that it has been since they first found out they’d be parents. Ted feels flutters of his own as the responsibility washes over him again. He knows that parenting change his life and is all the more excited for it.  
\---  
Limping through the hall, Andromeda’s mind is set on a single objective – get to St. Mungo’s. Once she reaches the sitting room, she tells Ted, “We have to leave for the hospital,” in the calmest voice she can muster.  
Ted drops the book he was reading and fumbles for his wand. “What is it?” he asks with a note of panic in his voice.  
“I’m bleeding,” Andromeda says in an almost blank voice. “Your shoes are there,” she adds, seeing that Ted is searching for attire to wear out.  
It’s only minutes later when Ted throws Floo Powder into the grate and states their destination. Neither make conversation as they emerge from the fire and wait to speak to the receptionist in the mostly empty lobby. “We need to see a Healer,” Ted manages to tell the receptionist. “My wife is pregnant and,” he takes in a deep breath before saying, “she’s bleeding.”  
They are taken into a room right away where Andromeda is asked to change into a hospital gown and wait for the Healer. Ted tries not to pace the room as Andromeda lays in the stiff bed. The seconds pass and no one comes. Minutes later voices are heard outside the door, conferring about where to treat Andromeda.  
“Mrs. Tonks,” a young Healer says as he steps into the room. “We’re going to transfer you to the delivery section of the hospital.  
Andromeda was fast to cut them off, “I’m not delivering yet – I’m just bleeding a little.”  
“The Healers there are best equipped to help you at this time,” he reassures her.  
Ted squeezes Andromeda’s hand as she is moved up three floors to a much less hectic area of the building. Once they are in place again, another Healer enters the room and introduces himself. He explains that there is a need to examine Andromeda to see what could be causing her symptoms.  
The Healer’s face falls as he gets a closer look at Andromeda. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Tonks. You’re losing the baby.”  
\---  
Andromeda is up and dressed before the alarm and has a difficult time letting Ted sleep until the alarm. When the familiar hum of their clock begins, she sends a silence charm its way and shakes Ted. “It’s the big day!” she chirps happily.  
In no time they are ready to leave for St. Mungo’s to check on the baby’s growth. The hospital uses a new charm that allows them to see the baby’s development at the halfway point through pregnancy. The several weeks since their last check-up, where they once again heard the heartbeat, have been agony for both Ted and Andromeda. Slight relief came to Andromeda when she started to feel faint pops in her womb that were an indication of movement but that was nothing compared to seeing her child.  
Their Healer that day is an elderly witch who shows earnest excitement for the parents as she ushers them into the examination room. Once Andromeda is situated on the table, the Healer is able to cast the exciting charm. The Healer uses her wand to direct their view into Andromeda’s stomach and oohs along with the parents when a baby’s head and shoulders come into view.  
“There he is,” the Healer says in a low voice. “Your young wizard.”  
Ted squeezes Andromeda’s hand, not having the words to express his excitement. After trying for over a year for a child, they are both thrilled to hear that their boy appears healthy and the perfect size.  
“Perfect just like you, ‘Dromeda,” Ted whispers as he watches the various images being produced by the Healer’s wand.  
Andromeda is unable to take her eyes off the images of their boy as the Healer talks about various aspects of growth and development that all say the same thing – everything will be alright.  
\---  
Shock hits Andromeda and Ted at the doctor’s words echo around the room. “No. He’s healthy and…” Andromeda’s voice breaks as she says, “he’s still moving. I can feel him.”  
The Healer tries to explain the unthinkable – labor has started and cannot be stopped.  
“There’s no spell or potion that would help?” Ted asks with his hand on Andromeda’s arm.  
“I’m afraid not, Mr. Tonks,” the Healer says morosely. “Magic is of very little help where pregnancy is concerned.”  
Andromeda begins to hyperventilate as the promises her future held just minutes before begin to crumble around her. “What…” her voice is shaky but she pushes on. “What happens next?”  
Seeming relieved that they were not fighting the truth any longer, the Healer says, “The baby will come within six hours. We can make you comfortable until then.”  
Turning her face away from Ted and the Healer, Andromeda’s sobs overtake her ability to speak or listen to what is being said around her. “But he’s perfect,” she cries quietly.  
\---  
“We are not using that name,” Andromeda insists as she sees what Ted has underlined in his name book. “Whatever made you pick that?”  
Ted tries to shield his book from Andromeda before saying, “Filbert is a family name.”  
Andromeda smiles at her husband and tries not to laugh. “Maybe it should stay in your family.”  
They are seated at the dining table with books and parchment out. Since learning the baby’s sex both of them are on a mission to find a perfect name for their boy. Andromeda’s list contains a combination of family names and ones she read in her history books. Ted favors family names as well as a selection of rockstars from muggle bands.  
“If Filbert is out then I must insist on Elvis staying,” he says with a grin. He knows that Andromeda finds the name Elvis impertinent, even if it is his all-time favorite singer.  
“I’ll consider it,” Andromeda concedes as she flips through an old history book for inspiration.  
Ted is encouraged by Andromeda’s consideration of a name she previously rejected without thought. He smiled, thinking that he had several more months to sway his wife on the name he liked.  
\---  
After hours of pain that transcends any she felt previously, Andromeda holds an immobile baby in her arms. Tears obscure her vision and potion dulls all other senses. This is the baby they tried so hard to have and he is dead. It is both a delight and a heartache to see familiar features on the miniscule face.  
“He has your nose,” Ted whispers as he too tries to memorize the child they’ll only have this one chance to see. “Looks like my hands though.”  
Andromeda carefully touches the tiny fingers and holds her son’s hand. “We should give him a name,” she croaks. The pair exchanges a brief look before Andromeda says, “Elvis was a king, you’ve said,” she states numbly.  
Ted manages a dry laugh, “Of rock and roll, love.”  
“It still has a lovely sound to it.”  
Silence presses down on Ted and Andromeda as they continue to gaze at the baby that should have been their son. Neither move or speak again until the Healer comes to work out the business end of death. Ted handles the decisions while Andromeda catches words and phrases that she is unable to process. More Healers come and go dispensing sympathy and advice to Andromeda until she is deemed fit to return home.  
\---  
“How are you feeling, ‘Dromeda?” Ted asks tentatively. Andromeda’s response comes in wet tears as she sits next to Ted on their couch. “I would do anything to help you feel better,” he says with tears in his eyes. Ted is devastated by their loss but has to be strong for his wife.  
Andromeda stands and paces the room. “I don’t want to feel this anymore,” she tells him with acid in her voice. It is three days past losing their son and Andromeda continues to feel as if every moment costs her dearly.  
“I can get you another potion,” Ted offers gently. “It will help you sleep.”  
Sleep is as bad as waking hours for Andromeda as her dreams bring visions of the life they lost. “I need to forget,” she insists, locking eyes with Ted. “You need to make me forget so I can move on.”  
Seeing the hesitation in Ted’s eyes, Andromeda curls up on the couch and sobs into her hands. She is just starting to feel that her torment will never end when a strange floaty feeling permeates her mind as Ted murmurs words she can’t quite make out. Oblivion brings bliss but the body still remembers what the brain does not. 

A/N:  
I have to thank you for making it through this story. It’s not particularly well-written and is likely full of typos. I wrote this as a bit of cathartic release after losing my baby a few weeks back. I haven’t been writing much since I got pregnant in August but I expect I’ll get back to my other stories soon.


End file.
